I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
