He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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