Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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