connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
