Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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