my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
