make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
