morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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