girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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