If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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