I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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