my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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