worst night to have a conscience
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
