I got her a Nickelback box set.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
