you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
