So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
