i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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