Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize