I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
