We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
