I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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