I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
