You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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