the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
