I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
