how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
