he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
