Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
