He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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