everyone is single if you try hard enough
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
