Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
