I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
