How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
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