I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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