No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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