Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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