He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.