I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV