no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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