I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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