got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
