I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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