when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize