hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Oh god it's open bar.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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