I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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