She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
