Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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