Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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