Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im holly from the hills drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize