Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
