I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
