take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
