I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
