Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize