sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
