can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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