He kissed a someone with a penis
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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