Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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