I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
