In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
