I cockslap morals
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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