he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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