Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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